crazy but real casting notices

"Looking for gorgeous girls willing to have body make up applied to look like really hot Alien..."

Mon, 19 Oct 2009 08:36:38 -0700

“Looking for gorgeous girls willing to have body make up applied to look like really hot Alien girls!!! MUST HAVE PORCELAIN SKIN! Very featured, really fun shoot, submit if you are available Tuesday, and are comfortable with the makeup. A plus if you can use a stripper pole - please indicate!”

- A real casting notice. Seems like more and more porcelain-skinned aliens are turning to stripping in these tough economic times.

"We are seeking an acting duo that have a new baby. You will be acting out a variety of things that..."

Mon, 28 Sep 2009 13:03:18 -0700

“We are seeking an acting duo that have a new baby. You will be acting out a variety of things that the host is describing about Chlamydia. It will all be shot very tastefully, and will not portray you as having the infection, but rather, ways to avoid it. We will also need a few shots of Mom holding her baby in her arms. PLEASE INDICATE IN THE NOTES SECTION THAT YOU ARE A COUPLE (CAN PRETEND) AND HOW OLD THE NEW BABY IS. ALSO, PLEASE INDICATE WHAT CITY YOU LIVE IN, AS WE WILL NEED TO SHOOT AT YOUR HOME.”

- Actual casting notice.

"Botox commercial: MUST have moderate to severe frown lines between the eyebrows at REST and at FROWN..."

Sat, 29 Aug 2009 00:00:43 -0700

“Botox commercial: MUST have moderate to severe frown lines between the eyebrows at REST and at FROWN (‘11’s between the brows). Secondary: looking for deep folds between the nose and mouth. See reference sheet. Please do not submit if you do not meet this criteria.”

- Actual casting notice.

"Female, early twenties. NUDE statue of the wife in her younger years. The wife that the sculptor..."

Wed, 22 Jul 2009 21:38:46 -0700

“Female, early twenties. NUDE statue of the wife in her younger years. The wife that the sculptor remembers from their youth. Statue is completely NUDE but covered in a layer of oil or light powder to convey a uniformity of color and smooth stone. Statue never moves, but will be touched often by the sculptor and the burglar. Most of the action of the film takes place with the statue in the center of the frame. Actor must be able to hold the exact same stance and facial expression throughout the entire shoot. Eyes will be closed, so actor must be able to remain still while unseen extreme action happens around them.”

- A real casting notice. Because that’s not sketchy at all.

"[ DORKY GIRLS AND GUYS ] the type of dork that you look at and laugh immediately. Caucasian ONLY."

Thu, 25 Jun 2009 11:50:43 -0700

“[ DORKY GIRLS AND GUYS ]
the type of dork that you look at and laugh immediately. Caucasian ONLY.”

- A real casting notice.

"This spot is about misguided Jack in the Box employees who all get their hair cut into “Bowl..."

Fri, 19 Jun 2009 16:39:43 -0700

“This spot is about misguided Jack in the Box employees who all get their hair cut into “Bowl Haircuts” THEY WILL SHOOT THEM GETTING THE HAIRCUT! Everyone cast MUST BE WILLING TO HAVE THEIR HAIR CUT INTO THIS “BOWL HAIRSTYLE” — yes, it will be this extreme!”

- A real casting notice.

"NOTE: Interested in Name or Recognizable Face for all roles. Michelle Rodriguez, Katy Sackhoff,..."

Mon, 15 Jun 2009 21:06:53 -0700

“NOTE: Interested in Name or Recognizable Face for all roles. Michelle Rodriguez, Katy Sackhoff, Young Hilary Swank type; a Ben Foster and John Krasinski type; and a young Tom Hanks and young Philip Seymour Hoffman type.
PROJECT: Student Film
PAY: DVD Copy, Credit, Meals.”

- A real casting notice. Yeah, I’m sure that recognizable talent is extremely interested in doing your student film now that they know they’ll get a copy on DVD!

"My son is turning 16 and really wanted Lil Wayne to perform for his birthday gala. Unfortunately his..."

Mon, 15 Jun 2009 18:39:07 -0700

“

My son is turning 16 and really wanted Lil Wayne to perform for his birthday gala. Unfortunately his schedule will not permit him to make it. I need a Lil Wayne impersonator desperately.

Here is the kicker my son is blind so you do not need to look like the rapper just sound like him. I understand he grunts and mumbles a lot. I don’t care if you are 67 and Jewish if you can sing the songs you’re hired. Money is not an issue. Name your price. Interested individuals please let me know your rap experience, video of you performing as Lil Wayne would be better. If that is not feasible we can arrange for a live audition.

”

- A real casting notice.

"SEEKING EXTREMELY LARGE MEN AND WOMEN WHO ARE COMPLETELY COMFORTABLE WITH SIZE BEING THE SUBJECT..."

Mon, 08 Jun 2009 20:22:26 -0700

“SEEKING EXTREMELY LARGE MEN AND WOMEN WHO ARE COMPLETELY COMFORTABLE WITH SIZE BEING THE SUBJECT MATTER OF A JOKE. ALSO MUST BE MOBILE AND ABLE TO DO BASIC PHYSICAL ACTIVITY SUCH AS SWING ON A SWING OR SLIDE DOWN A SLIDE.”

- A real casting notice. Yeah, this won’t be at all insulting, I’m sure.

"My deceased aunt gave my two kids a Cocker Spaniel a few months back. The dog has been a terror and..."

Wed, 03 Jun 2009 16:51:40 -0700

“

My deceased aunt gave my two kids a Cocker Spaniel a few months back. The dog has been a terror and become overwhelming for me. I am a single father raising two young children. I cannot face telling the kids that the dog must go. I have found a good home for the dog, and just need someone to transport the dog, and play the villain.

Premise: You will be the dog walker hired by daddy (me) to walk Skittles. I will introduce you to the kids, and you will tell them you are going to help Skittles get her exercise when Daddy is too busy to walk her. At that point you will walk Skittles to your car and take her to her new family 20 minutes from my place. Then return holding just a leash. The story will be that Skittles broke free of the leash and took off. At this point prepare for crying, things being thrown at you, and possibly cursing. My kids are young and dramatic, their girls.

Pay will be $500. The job will take roughly 2 hours at best.

This job is ideal for an actor looking to diversify their role base, or someone who genuinely likes to make children cry. Acting experience is a plus, but not necessary. Please inform me of any prior experience in this kind of situation.

”

- A real casting notice.

"Top promotion company looking for female models to staff private events and other events in the..."

Tue, 02 Jun 2009 20:15:01 -0700

“Top promotion company looking for female models to staff private events and other events in the area. Applicant must be 21 years old to attend bar events private events the minimum age is 18. Events will take place every weekend of July 09. Applicant must be available to work friday and saturday. Applicant must be ok with topless modeling as well as modeling in bikinis. To apply please email your contact information as well as a portrait picture and your sexiest topless phot! We will contact you later in the week to set up an interview. Thank you.”

- A real casting notice.

"My daughter’s birthday is coming up May 31 and she really wants Ariel, the mermaid, to be at..."

Wed, 27 May 2009 14:37:52 -0700

“

My daughter’s birthday is coming up May 31 and she really wants Ariel, the mermaid, to be at her party. I’m looking for an affordable price or to barter with you. My mother also does birthday parties and events with her trained Chihuahua. She does the show for all ages 3-93. The dog has recently been on youtube as Mr. Crackerjack for an upcoming movie. She does everything from balancing on a ball, climbing a ladder, jumping thru a hoop, playing the piano, riding in her convertible car, and much more.

If you are interested in a trade or just interested in a special dog show for your event email me.

”

- A real casting notice. Craigslist, of course.

"Audition attire should be sexy, but less revealing than sample video above (miniskirt, sexy top,..."

Wed, 20 May 2009 19:23:05 -0700

“Audition attire should be sexy, but less revealing than sample video above (miniskirt, sexy top, heels, etc.) Something that you think makes you look “hot.” Please either wear or bring attire you feel is most appropriate. We’re looking for “A woman men will desire, and women will admire.””

- A real casting notice. Jay Leno says “if it sounds like porn, it is porn, no matter what the producers tell you”.

Misspellings + Everybody wants to pull out their oh-so-common '70s-era cop outfit for $0, right?

Wed, 20 May 2009 13:35:26 -0700

Extras with 1974 police outfits - non speaking - men only.

No pay - if featured it will be something to ad to your real.

How much awesomeness does it take to buy one meal?

Tue, 05 May 2009 19:56:07 -0700

Temperamental, but kind, director seeks greatness from his struggling actress and actor during a rehearsal before a stage play. Time is running out as the show is a few hours away.
Wardrobe: Open to interpretation.
Rate/Pay: Awesomeness!

Oh, sure, my 6-year-old can handle all that.

Tue, 05 May 2009 19:54:47 -0700

Lead / Male / Caucasian / 6 - 15
Philip is a club-footed orphan whose experience with disability and church hypocrisy cause him question his belief in God. MUST have facility with British accent.

No, that's a story I haven't heard.

Tue, 05 May 2009 19:52:22 -0700

Lead / Female / All Ethnicities / 18 - 28
A pretty, probably blonde, Midwestern girl who moved to California to pursue her dreams as an actress. Now she’s hooked on heroin, desperate, and seems willing to resort to anything. (You’ve heard the story…)

You'll pay me zero dollars to shave my head? What a great deal!

Thu, 30 Apr 2009 10:54:00 -0700

Union Status SAG

Run(Usage) SHORT

Rate NO PAY BUT A TON OF EXPOSURE!!

LENA / SAG / Lead / Female / All Ethnicities / 19-23
MUST BE WILLING TO SHAVE HEAD ON CAMERA

ADULTS WHO HAD HORRIBLE EXPERIENCE IN HIGH SCHOOL / No Union Affiliation / Featured / Male or Female...

Wed, 29 Apr 2009 17:49:29 -0700

ADULTS WHO HAD HORRIBLE EXPERIENCE IN HIGH SCHOOL / No Union Affiliation / Featured / Male or Female / All Ethnicities / 28-70 Top-tier TV production company with many hit network shows is searching for people who can’t let go of their High School years. Were you one of those kids in school who was stuffed in their locker, who sat alone at lunch, bullied at school, didn’t go to your own prom, publicly humiliated or picked on for any of the following reasons: -Extremely skinny/overweight -Flat-chested if you are a girl -Being tall (or “lanky” as it was so delicately put!) -Having very un-trendy dress sense -Being ugly -Being “frigid” -Being “goth” -Being different -Wearing glasses or braces -Having a different set of beliefs -Sexual orientation -Socio-economic status -Being a member of the band/choir -Member of the chess/math/robotics club